I've had great intentions of updating but I rarely find myself with two hands to type and time to do it. I need to just write to get some thoughts out and I will do an actual update later. Caleb is currently laying in my lap awake and isn't crying yet, so I'm feeling pretty successful so far.
First of all, I get these baby emails (because I signed up for the pregnancy emails and they realized that I did, in fact, have a child and now send me email updates about my baby) . . . and some emails make me laugh and some make me wonder if the people who wrote them have/had children and some make me wonder if my child is abnormal.
For example: "Once your little darling is past the "endless slumber" stage (at about four to five months), her nap routine will start to take shape." Endless slumber! That's a joke! "At 3 months, most babies sleep a total of 15 hours a day, including nighttime sleep and naps" 15 hours! Ha! Funny . . .
Caleb does not sleep. I know he is tired. I know he is overtired. But he fights sleep harder and better than anyone I know. He is like clock-work . . . I am pretty sure when he's going to want to eat next, when he's going to be tired next, I'm even pretty sure when he's going to poop next! But even when I know he's tired, it is a struggle to get him to sleep. And once he is asleep, it's a struggle to keep him asleep for long enough for him to be un-tired.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem getting up to feed him twice a night still. Three times a night is even fine. . . I'm not unrealistically expecting my child to sleep for 10-12 hours at night at three months (although some lucky moms have babies who do that). The problem is that after sleeping for 2-3 hours in a row, he then wakes up every hour afterward. So every hour either Allen or I try to get him to go back to sleep, which can take anywhere from 5 minutes (rare) to 45 minutes.
As for naps during the day . . . every sleep specialist agrees that a baby who gets sufficient naps during the day will sleep better at night so we have tried getting better naps in. If napping in his crib, he rarely lasts longer than 15-20 minutes. In his car seat, sometimes 30 minutes. Being held, 20 minutes-2 hours. Unfortunately, it makes getting anything done next to impossible.
Why does he wake up? 1- He hits himself in the face with his hands if he's not swaddled very tightly. 2- If he is swaddled and can't move his hands when he does wake up, he wiggles and screams and becomes very difficult to settle down. 3- He has tummy pains and will only fall back to sleep once he has let out a lot of gas or a lot of poop. (I may need to stop eating dairy and that may help with this one. I just haven't decided which I want more: sleep or milk, ice cream, cheese, chocolate and butter) 4- I have no idea.
Some of you may have read the blog where I let him cry it out for five nights and he did not sleep at all. I've read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and tried using those techniques. I've used Pantley's techniques on "No Cry Nap Solution" and "No Cry Sleep Solution". I've tried Dr. Sears "31 Ways to Get Your Baby to Sleep and Stay Asleep". I've tried bringing him into our bed with us and he slept, but I couldn't.
We've stopped having him fall asleep while eating or sucking on a pacifier to try to help him be able to fall asleep on his own without those. We've tried routines so he knows naptime and bedtime are coming. The result of the naptime routine: he now cries any time I take him into his room and turn the light off because he knows it means a nap. So today I held him for his nap with the light on. He does like the bath and eating before bedtime, luckily. Any light on in his room during the night means = instead of falling back to sleep when he wakes up, he cranes his neck to find the light and stares at it while crying.
The past two nights I held him and slept in the la-z-boy in his room . . . enforcing bad sleep habits, yes? But this sick mom (I don't usually get sick, but have been pretty sick twice in the past two months as a result of no sleep) could actually get more rest holding him in a half-reclined position with a broken neck than half hour/hour-long naps in my bed sporadically throughout the night because Caleb sleeps best being held, nuzzled up against me and holding my finger in his little hand.
My conclusion is: I love my baby boy so much. I am glad he needs me.
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| Throughout the course of writing this post, he finally went from tired (fussy) to alert and inquisitive to exhausted (hold me Mommy!) and is now asleep as I type one-handed. |
I can absolutely relate to what you have written to the point that I feel like I could have written it! Emily now wakes every two hours at night, with one longer (usually three hours) stretch. We have started bed sharing and I am getting much more sleep because rather than having to get up I can just roll over and feed her. That being said I kicked my husband out of bed and he sleeps on a twin mattress beside ours (both are on the floor for safety) which isn't the greatest but we are all happier when I get more sleep! Also for naps during the day, I nurse her to sleep swaddled lying on our bed, and when she is asleep, I sneak out, although after 40-45 mins I sometimes have to go back in, and sometimes she will go back to sleep and other times she won't. I can only say, it won't go on forever, she is already at 5 and a half months starting to nap well most days (with help).
ReplyDeleteAnother thought, search James McKenna online, he is a great resource for reading about how babies are not designed to sleep alone, and although it won't make you any less tired, it helped me feel better to know that what she seems to want is biologically required!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I will look that up.
DeleteNikki I feel like we have twins. Seriously, every time you write something about him I can't help but smile, laugh, cry, etc because I know exactly what you are talking about/feeling at the moment. And all I ever think about is the last statement you made. There will come a time that he won't want or need to snuggle up on me to feel calm, secure and safe, and I cry just thinking about it. So I just let him stay there. And I get things done at another time. They are just too sweet :)
ReplyDeleteI love seeing the pictures of your little guy! Although I'm sorry you're not getting much sleep either, it's comforting to know I'm not doing everything wrong! And if nothing else, our boys will know they are loved.
ReplyDeleteOh Nikki, I'm so sorry!!! Having a baby is so exhausting. Hannah was like Caleb... 15-20 minutes naps, up every hour at night, etc. It was so miserable. For me, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" fixed our problems because I was so desperate that I tried cry-it-out with her, and I tried putting her down as soon as I saw drowsy signs instead of waiting until she got fussy (which was usually within 45-60 minutes for her), and she immediately became a fabulous sleeper. Kota on the other hand has been harder, and he just finally started sleeping 12 hours at night without a night feed, at 9 months old! I used to think books that said babies might need a night feed until 9-10 months were crazy. Ha! He sleep trained easily at 14 weeks, but he still took a while to consolidate his sleep.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're doing everything you can. I know you said you've tried lots of things, and my only advice would be to make sure you try something for at least a week straight before you evaluate whether or not it works for your little guy. Sometimes trying one thing and then another thing and then yet another thing is confusing to a baby, and trying one thing and sticking to it works better. And remember that he can't be up for super long at his age. After 45-60 minutes of being up, he's probably ready for a nap. And he does ideally need 15.5-18 hours of sleep at this age, but I know how hard it can be to actually have him get that. Neither of my kids got the recommended amount of sleep until they were sleep trained, so it took some patience. Just really keep an eye on how long he's been up, try to put him down before he reaches the overtired phase, and when I say "put him down," I mean, "do whatever it takes to help him fall asleep for a nap." When he's older, you can try sleep training again. In the meantime, do what you need to in order to survive! Good luck. You aren't alone. Motherhood is so exhausting. I'm impressed that you post on here at all. :)
You don't need anymore advice, Nikki - you are doing the best at the hardest thing we have all had to do. I would be bold enough to say that those kicking their husband out of bed need to be careful! If that relationship goes "sour" it won't matter if baby is sleeping or not. It is easy to think everyone is happy because sleep is being obtained but I promise that Daddy will feel replaced and unimportant in the scheme of things if made to take backseat to a fussy baby too often and for too many reasons. These babies are very smart and will take as much as they are given. Enjoy them to the fullest but NEVER at the expense of the most important person you have....the very person that made that little baby possible....your soulmate and friend forever.....take care of that man who pays the bills, washes the dishes, is willing to sleep in a bed alone, etc etc etc....make sure he knows who is most important because when those babies are old enough to not want to be held anymore, your man will still need to be cuddled and cared for and so will you! If the only one you care for is the child, then they move on to other things, we mothers won't have anyone left in our bed either! Just a thought......
ReplyDeleteAMEN!!!
DeleteKick might have been a strong word...my husband and I have had extensive conversations on our sleeping arrangements and he is quite happy with our choices. It is simply not safe to sleep three in a bed right now because we swaddle her, once she outgrows this it shouldn't be an issue. We have lots of time together to cuddle and such things, just not in our bedroom for the time being. I trust that he will still be there after she is no longer in our bed with us. Also, as I said, our mattresses are right beside each other, we are arms reach from each other, just as we were when he slept on our king mattress together. Thank you for your thoughts, but I would be so bold as to say that perhaps it is not necessary to make snap judgments about others choices, because there is no way to have the whole picture.
DeleteI love you Nikki!! And yes, there comes a time when your children don't want that hug, and then they leave you and realize how much they miss the hugs!! You are a great mom and Caleb loves you!!
ReplyDelete